Happy Show Fantastic
Cart 0

Episode 1

The Jingly Curse

HEADER_Ep1_JinglyCurse_1_final.jpeg
 

Billionaire podcaster Martin Lastrapes rips on his brother and obsesses over cat memes. Income-averse jingle singer Greg Lastrapes collects repurposed bowling trophies and dodges his landlord. Theirs is a tale of sibling rivalry, economic disparity, sexual politics, and very bad tap dancing.


SONGS

TURKEY NECK (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

GREG:
Hup, two, three, four
Hoist your belly from the floor
Five, six, seven, eight
Do karate, lift some weights
Who’s gonna love you looking like you do?
That’s right, Turkey Neck.
Shame on you!

Twist, bend, touch your toes
Bleach your anus, fix your nose.
Dip, squat, run in place.
Stick a needle in your face.
Buy yourself a little self-respect
Nip, Tuck, Fill, Suck,
Turkey Neck!

GIRL SQUAD(chant):
Spin and yoga, diet plans,
Augmentation, spray-on tans,
Eyelid, tummy, booty, chin,
Grafted hair and lasered skin.
Trim your labes, wax your muff
Happy isn’t good enough!

GREG:
Don’t make him chunder
when you get undressed!
Step up, Turkey Neck,
Look your best.

(yell) Bueller’s Jewelers!

GREG LASTRAPES | Lead Vocals, Arrangement, Keyboard & Drum Programming

ANGELA LEE SLOAN | Girl Squad vocals

Canali Generali (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

Batti le mani!
Le cose brutte possono accadere.
Qualcuno potrebbe spezzarti le gambe.
Proteggere tua famiglia,
La cosa giusta da fare.
Canali Generali
L'unica assicurazione per te!

(translation)
Clap your hands!
Bad things can happen
Someone might break your legs
Protect your family
It’s the right thing to do
Canali Generali
The only insurance for you!

GREG LASTRAPES | Lead vocals, Acoustic Guitar, Synth Bass

EPISODE CREDITS

Written by
Greg Lastrapes, Martin Lastrapes, Chris Jacobs & Jesse Meriwether

Directed, Edited, Scored, Sound Designed & Mixed by
Greg Lastrapes

Foley Performed by
Greg Lastrapes, Piper Lastrapes, Scarlet Lastrapes

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Greg | Giuseppe | Bobby Meathead
Greg Lastrapes

Martin
Martin Lastrapes

Jessica
Nika Futterman

Karl the Landlord
Ogie Banks III

Chanel
Chanel Chakko

Ruby
Mackenzie Williford

Nina Zuchetti & Party Girl
Tara Strand

Moms
Kathy Lastrapes

Pop
Marshall Todd

Vin Zepido
Bradley Zumbro

Jingle Writer
Jimmy Keegan

Royston
Chris Hill

Doug
Doug Crawford

Drunk Vegas Chick
Angela Lee Sloan

Blüber Driver
Glenn Vigil

Jingly Awards Presenter
Penny Folger

Jingly Awards Announcer
Lee Barron

Bossa Nova Casino Manager |
HSF Announcer
Chris Jacobs

Episode 2

Definitely Not Writing

HEADER_Ep2_DefNotWriting_final.jpeg
 
 

Greg grovels for money and endures three mustaches. Martin delivers a soliloquy and borrows Chanel’s cufflinks. Landlordin' ain't easy.



SONGS

FIZZ FIZZ POP (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

MICKEY McCONKLE(spoken):
Hey, gang! Why the long faces?

KID #1(spoken):
I’m dehydrated!

KID #2(spoken):
I can’t stop vurping in the library!

KID #3(spoken):
You think that’s bad? I haven’t taken a dump in two weeks!

MICKEY McCONKLE(spoken):
Lucky for you, I have the answer to all your problems!

KIDS(spoken):
Far out!

MICKEY McCONKLE:
FizzFizz Pop makes the heartburn stop!

KID #2:
Make those gas pains flippity-flop!

MICKEY McCONKLE:
Grab a can, pop the top

KID #1:
Wet your whistle

KID #3:
And let the good vibes drop.

ANNOUNCER(spoken):
FizzFizz Pop, America’s #2 antacid soft drink laxative.
Feel the good vibes drop.

GREG LASTRAPES | Mickey McConkle/Kid #3/Announcer Vocals, Keyboards, Guitars, Bass, Drum Programming

SCARLET LASTRAPES | Kid #1 Vocals

PIPER LASTRAPES | Kid #2 Vocals

Hangin' Around! (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

JINGLE WRITER:
I’m just an unhappy guy with a dirtbag for a boss.
He was so heartless and cruel that I decided to
Toss my life away, I just tossed it away
I didn’t want to do it, but the bastard drove me to it
And now I’ll just be hangin’ around...

BACKGROUND SINGERS:
Hangin’ around!

JINGLE WRITER:
Yeah, hangin’ around!

BACKGROUND SINGERS:
Hangin’ around!

JINGLE WRITER:
I’ll just be hangin’ around
‘Til the man comes to take me down
All my love to Wendy and the kids.

BACKGROUND SINGERS:
And Marbles the dog.

JIMMY KEEGAN | Lead Vocals

GREG LASTRAPES | Keyboards, Bass, Drum Programming, Horn Arrangement

SCARLET LASTRAPES | Background Vocals

Mountain Gorilla Preservation (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes, Angela Lee Sloan&Chris Jacobs

Far away,
The mountain gorillas play
And think of ways
To rise up and rule us someday.

They’re gonna lock us up in cages,
Show us off in zoos.
We’re powerless to stop them.
They’re huge. We’re gonna lose.

Stop pinching their bananas.
Stop chopping down their trees.
For realz, don’t aggravate them,
They’ll rip off your god-damned knees.

To delay the revolution, hurry,
Send in your donation
To the one and only chance we’ve got:
Mountain Gorilla Preservation!

ANNOUNCER(spoken):
Time is a factor.

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards, Drum Programming

EPISODE CREDITS

Written by
Greg Lastrapes, Martin Lastrapes, Chris Jacobs & Jesse Meriwether

Directed, Edited, Scored, Sound Designed & Mixed by
Greg Lastrapes

Foley Performed by
Greg Lastrapes, Piper Lastrapes, Scarlet Lastrapes

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Greg | Giuseppe | Bobby Meathead
Greg Lastrapes

Martin
Martin Lastrapes

Jessica
Nika Futterman

Chanel
Chanel Chakko

Ruby
Mackenzie Williford

Moms
Kathy Lastrapes

Pop
Marshall Todd

The Broken Mustaches
Nika Futterman
Ogie Banks III
Justine Gorny

Jingle Writer
Jimmy Keegan

Police Officer
Sean White

HSF Announcer
Chris Jacobs

Episode 3

FAP FRIDAY FUNTIME!

HEADER_Ep3_RocketMen_final.jpeg
 
 

(aka “Rocket Men”) Martin makes an impression on his publicist and is invited to join a most exclusive club. Greg deep sixes his pride and slides down a chute. The Level T elevator button absolutely DOES NOT exist.



SONGS

Campanelli di Cardinale (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

GUISEPPE:
Bussare è per i contadini,
i deficienti hanno dei cicalini,
vuoi usare la cosa che dice,
"Dingy Dingy Dingy"
Campanelli,
Campanelli,
Campanelli di Cardinale.

(translation)
Knocking is for peasants
Fools have buzzers
You want to use the thing that goes
"Dingy Dingy Dingy"
Doorbells,
Doorbells,
Doorbells by Cardinale.

ANNOUNCER(spoken):
Cardinale. Campanelli più rumorosi dal millenovecentottantasette.

(translation)
Cardinale. The loudest doorbells bells, since 1987.

GREG LASTRAPES | Lead Vocals, Arrangement, Keyboard, Guitar, Bass, Drum Programming

ANGELA LEE SLOAN | Girl Squad vocals

Vinvoozled (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

When it comes to making deals,
Zepido is the king.
He’ll siphon my front end,
My back end,
And then attack everything in-between.

He’ll collect his gratuity
In perpetuity,
Suck the meat from my bones,
For media fixed or digital
And technologies yet unknown…

Throughout the universe and beyond. Baby.

It’d be cool if his greed
worked in my favor, I guess.
But, Jessica, don’t let it get you down.
In fact, you should be impressed.
I’ve been Vinvoozled by the best!

GREG LASTRAPES | Lead vocals, Keyboards, Drum Programming

EPISODE CREDITS

Written by
Greg Lastrapes, Martin Lastrapes, Chris Jacobs & Jesse Meriwether

Directed, Edited, Scored, Sound Designed & Mixed by
Harold Hecuba

Foley Performed by
Greg Lastrapes, Piper Lastrapes, Scarlet Lastrapes

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Greg
Greg Lastrapes

Martin | Robot | News Announcer
Martin Lastrapes

Jessica
Nika Futterman

Chanel
Chanel Chakko

Ruby
Mackenzie Williford

Pop
Marshall Todd

Vin Zepido
Bradley Zumbro

Dick Danson | Security Guard
Lee Barron

Teflon Cuck
Ogie Banks III

Nate Biggles
Nathaniel Lastrapes

Madame Nedezhda
Tara Strand

Martin Industries Receptionist
Penny Folger

News Eyewitness | HSF Announcer
Chris Jacobs

Episode 4

The Jalopy of Jingleheimers

HEADER_Ep4_Jalopy_Edit_final.jpeg
 
 

Greg sweats way too much and jingles all the way. Martin gleefully revisits the worst day of his life and interviews a famous dance music producer. Chanel’s fanny pack saves the day.



SONGS

Theme from "HAPPY SHOW FANTASTIC" (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

GREG:
Hello, Day!
What do you say
We catch some chocolate-covered unicorns
And wrap ‘em up in plastic?

MARTIN:
Hello, Fish!
I sure do wish,
You had leotards and lady parts
So we could do gymnastics.

GREG:
Life is full of possibilities
And all the bubblegum dreams you can chew.

MARTIN:
Thumb a ride on a flying trapeze
And watch as all of your delusions don’t come untrue!

BOTH:
Hello, Bus!
What’s all the fuss?
Maybe you should try to be
A little more enthusiastic.
Why don’t you lighten up and listen to
The Happy Show Fantastic?

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards, Guitar, Bass & Drum Programming

MARTIN LASTRAPES | Vocals

DAVID JUDY | Lap Steel

THE GLOVE JACK (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes & Angela Lee Sloan

It’s the Glove Jack, baby.
Jack the slots.

When you wanna hit it big,
Triple sevens, do you dig?
You gotta put those fingers in the holes that count.
(Glove Jack)

It might be tight,
It might be snug,
But when you’re pinky’s in our glove,
Pull that lever,
She explodes
With freshly ingot-minted love.

It’s the Glove Jack, baby.
Jack the slots.

Scientifically designed
To rob those slot machines blind
Via optimosis of that thick steel yanking rod.

It’s the Glove Jack, baby.

No glove.
No love.

Ka-CHING!

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards & Drum Programming

Belvedere's (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

Once upon a time, I can’t recall the year
There was an entrepreneur
name o’ Belvedere.
Wait, '74. Nineteen seventy-four.
That’s the year that I couldn’t quite
remember before.
Anyway, Belvedere observed
That a certain demographic was underserved.

Imagine, if you can, that you’re so darn rich
You can pay a guy to scratch your balls
whenever they itch.
You’ve got cars and yachts and platinum gloves,
But still you can’t afford to buy
your daddy’s love.
Belvedere, he said, “I think
That a guy like that wants raw, next level kink.”

So he compelled slave labor from the back of his Rolls
To build a huge golf course
where you can fuck the holes.
A restricted club with a petting zoo
Full o’ snakes and goats.
You can fuck them, too.
You’ll never be his favorite son.
May as well hump sod for fun.
Come on down to Belvedere’s Gloryhole-In-One!

Thirteen locations to service you.
Shame not included.

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards, Electric Guitar, Bass & Drum Programming

DAVID JUDY | Acoustic Guitar

SHOO FLY SHOE (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes & Angela Lee Sloan

(spoken)
You're snugglin' on da futon.
You’re about to make your move,
When dat pesky buzzin’ insect
Flies all up in ya groove!

(singing)
Do ya feel like a foo’
When da fly botha you?
Da lady ain’t into
Ya fly swat kung fu.

Lemme tell ya how you
Get da fly you pursue:
Ya gotta buy a few
Of da brand-spankin’ new
Heavyweight fly shoe,
Da Shoo Fly Shoe.

When da fly wear da shoe,
He plummet down to you
Den ya break him in two.

SHOO FLY SHOE!

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards & Drum Programming

 

EPISODE CREDITS

Written by
Greg Lastrapes, Martin Lastrapes, Chris Jacobs & Jesse Meriwether

Directed, Edited, Scored, Sound Designed & Mixed by
Greg Lastrapes

Foley Performed by
Greg Lastrapes, Piper Lastrapes, Scarlet Lastrapes

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Greg | Bobby Meathead
Greg Lastrapes

Martin
Martin Lastrapes

Jessica
Nika Futterman

Chanel
Chanel Chakko

Ruby
Mackenzie Williford

Pop
Marshall Todd

Cheryl
Jamie Broyles

Angelo Visconti
Sean White

Caller #1
Gary Lopez

Caller #2
Liz Hersey

HSF Announcer
Chris Jacobs

Episode 5

Hecate’s Clam Hat

HEADER_Ep5_Hecates_final.jpeg
 
 

Martin cavorts on a super yacht and attempts to fly. Greg acquires an unexpected ally and bickers with a tiger. Jessica doesn’t have a unicorn.   



SONGS

C.M.Y.K. (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes, Angela Lee Sloan, Chris Jacobs

C.M.Y.K.
Crafty’s Letterpress. Mmm, okay.
C.M.Y.K.
Technology from yesterday.

Ze platen’s jammed wiz paper.
Ze table’s wet wiz ink.
We zen apply ze pressure
Mit ze KLANK unt zen ze KLINK.

(vocoder) Foil stamp
So sexy
(vocoder) Debossing
So hard
Fetishize ze logo
On your die-cut business card.

C.M.Y.K.
Offset print, so passé.
C.M.Y.K.
Crafty’s Letterpress. OBEY!

(vocoder) Dance if ya feel like it!

Resumes for ze unemployed.
Birth announcements, girl or boy.
Flyers for ze PTA.
Posters for your cabaret.

C.M.Y.K.
Crafty’s Letterpress. Mmm, okay.
C.M.Y.K.
Technology from yesterday.
C.M.Y.K.

I zink I like it.

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards, Vocoder, Drum Programming

FLY AWAY (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

Just when I’m certain that I’ve seen the last
Of this woman who brought me such
Heartache and pain,
While my rocket’s inspected, of course
She shows up unexpectedly here
In my life once again.

And this bitter sensation, this humiliation,
Was sparked by the sound of her voice.
It still haunts me, it taunts me.
Could it be she still wants me?
You fool! Can’t you see you’ve no choice...

But to fly away
From the peak of this fake Macchu Picchu
I’ll fly away!
Don’t try to stop me, I’ll only defeat you.

All these steps.
Jesus Christ, they just go on forever.
Bravo, fucking Aztecs, or Incas, whatever.
I’m sore. I can’t breathe.
Am I that out of shape?
Stay focused.
Stay strong, Martin,
make your escape!

Flyaway!
Far away from this lame situation.
Just flyaway
From the occasional subject of my masturbation.

I’ve reached the summit.
Now this billionaire’s
Gonna leap from the cliff,
I can see it just there.
Ready for lift-off, or some such cliche.
Grandpa-in-law’s goat blood cufflinks
Make me flyaway!

MARTIN LASTRAPES | Lead Vocals

GREG LASTRAPES | Keyboards, Guitar, Bass, Drum Programming

SCARLET LASTRAPES | Background Vocals

EPISODE CREDITS

Written by
Greg Lastrapes, Martin Lastrapes, Chris Jacobs & Jesse Meriwether

Directed, Edited, Scored, Sound Designed & Mixed by
Greg Lastrapes

Foley Performed by
Greg Lastrapes, Piper Lastrapes, Scarlet Lastrapes

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Greg
Greg Lastrapes

Martin
Martin Lastrapes

Jessica
Nika Futterman

Chanel
Chanel Chakko

Ruby
Mackenzie Williford

Pop
Marshall Todd

Doug
Doug Crawford

Dick Danson
Lee Barron

Teflon Cuck
Ogie Banks III

Cheryl
Jamie Broyles

Angelo Visconti
Sean White

Royston
Chris Hill

Rocket Inspector
Jimmy Keegan

Merv's Phone Voice
Felix Lastrapes

HSF Announcer
Chris Jacobs

Episode 6

All This Fake Truth

HEADER_Ep6_FakeTruth_final.jpeg
 
 

Greg is deliberately misleading about snack availability and can’t find his castanets. Martin convalesces and yells at the radio. Someone dies a violent death.



SONGS

FANCY A SNACK? (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

Do…
You…
Fancy a snack?
If so, pal, I’ve got your back.
Cheddar or jack on crackers?
Straw, black or boysenberries?

Do you prefer them sweet or savory,
Crunchy or limp or breaded?
Perhaps you’d like a cocktail -
Be it fruit, ham or shrimp -
I’ll get it.
If you fancy a snack,
like, say, some jerky or S’mores,
Just name it.
Them snacks are yours!

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards, Bass, Drum Programming

DAVID JUDY | Acoustic Guitar, Lap Steel

FANCY A SNACK? (reprise) (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

Do you fancy a snack?
Some dried fruit, nuts or some chips?
Some cheese curds or tots
with a selection of dips (for dipping)?

Are you in the mood for something
Raw, baked or fried?
If you fancy a snack,
Just say so, don’t hold back.
‘Cause if you fancy a snack
You won’t be denied!

GREG LASTRAPES | Vocals, Keyboards, Drum Programming

EPISODE CREDITS

Written by
Greg Lastrapes, Martin Lastrapes, Chris Jacobs & Jesse Meriwether

Directed, Edited, Scored, Sound Designed & Mixed by
Greg Lastrapes

Foley Performed by
Greg Lastrapes, Piper Lastrapes, Scarlet Lastrapes

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Greg | Bobby Meathead
Greg Lastrapes

Martin
Martin Lastrapes

Jessica
Nika Futterman

Chanel
Chanel Chakko

Ruby
Mackenzie Williford

Royston | News Anchor | Radio Pundit
Chris Hill

Nate Biggles
Nathaniel Lastrapes

Radio Interviewer
Tara Strand

Wendy the Widow
Penny Folger

Rocket Inspector
Jimmy Keegan

FBI Agents
Aaron Lastrapes
Justine Gorny

Asbestos Abatement Foreman
Angela Lee Sloan

Asbestos Abatement Worker
Marcus Flye

HSF Announcer
Chris Jacobs

Episode 7

Broken Water, Hidden Martin

HEADER_Ep7_BrokenWater_final.jpeg
 
 

Martin bears witness to the reckoning and takes the long way down. Greg doesn’t read tiger and learns too much about his mother. Tunnels aren't always for love.


SONGS

audio Block
Double-click here to upload or link to a .mp3. Learn more

CHERYL SAYS GOODBYE (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes & Angela Lee Sloan

(spoken)
I’ll start with the obvious. I’m hungry.
But you knew that. You always knew that.
You knew it all along.
And the rest? Well, it might be best
To just put it in a song.

(singing)
It wasn’t what I meant to do,
but I made life hard for you.
Things were bound to get a bit bizarre,
you being who you are.

Greg, you always took care of me,
You shared with me,
You’re not scared of me.
You never threw your underwear at me,
But if you had I wouldn’t blame you, cuz…

You think I killed your landlord Karl.
One day, you’ll see it my way.

Cheryl is not guilty.
Cheryl’s paws are clean.
Cheryl may be hungry, but
Cheryl is not mean.
Cheryl has a temper.
Cheryl can’t deny.
But Cheryl did not make your landlord die.

It wasn’t such an easy thing to do,
but I had to run away from you,
Because I did eat someone who
Rang the doorbell.
Ducking doorbells!

But that Bobby Meathead, tho.
So smelly, yo.
Straight gazelle-y, bro.
When I get into my pouncing flow,
You’d better hope you’re not delicious.

So I ran into the darkness.
In the distance, neon sparkles.

Cheryl’s on a journey.
Cheryl’s on a trip.
Cheryl smelled despair.
Cheryl found the Vegas Strip.
Cheryl all alone so
Cheryl start to cry
Outside the stage door of Cirque de Moonfrye.

A French-Canadian told me to come on in.
He scratched his double chin
And said, “I’m Stinky LaRue.”
He said, “Tigers are my game.
You’ll be a household name!”
Now I live in luxury since my big top debut.

Now Cheryl eat gazelle meat.
Cheryl have doorbell
In Cheryl’s penthouse suite at the
Dubai Dubai Hotel.
Cheryl really miss you.
Good luck with FBI.
’Til Cheryl cross your path again,
Cheryl says goodbye.

(spoken)
And thank you.

ANGELA LEE SLOAN| Vocals

GREG LASTRAPES | Keyboards & Drum Programming

UP THE DUFF (lyrics)

Music & Lyrics by Greg Lastrapes

You can call me undersexed, overworked, insecure
Call me a coward or a scaredy-cat.
Call me out on my addiction to a witch’s brew
But, jingle singer, don’t you call me fat.

I’ve got cramps, leaky nipples,
Breathing is tough.
I peed on a stick, yeah,
And oddly enough
It may be mystifying,
But there’s no denying
You’re lady’s up the duff!

NIKA FUTTERMAN | Vocals

GREG LASTRAPES | Keyboards, Guitar, Bass, Drum Programming

EPISODE CREDITS

Written by
Greg Lastrapes, Martin Lastrapes, Chris Jacobs & Jesse Meriwether

Directed, Edited, Scored, Sound Designed & Mixed by
Greg Lastrapes

Foley Performed by
Greg Lastrapes, Piper Lastrapes, Scarlet Lastrapes

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Greg
Greg Lastrapes

Martin
Martin Lastrapes

Jessica
Nika Futterman

Chanel
Chanel Chakko

Ruby
Mackenzie Williford

Royston
Chris Hill

Moms
Kathy Lastrapes

Pop
Marshall Todd

Dick Danson
Lee Barron

Teflon Cuck | Karl the Bartender
Ogie Banks III

FBI Agents
Aaron Lastrapes
Justine Gorny

Radio Deejay
Marcus "Milky" Flye

Cheryl the Tiger
Angela Lee Sloan

HSF Announcer
Chris Jacobs

Check out the

SPECIAL FEATURES

Leave a

VOICEBOX MESSAGE

Devour some

MEDIA

Discover

BIRD + GOLDFISH